Not knowing.

Have it ever occured to u one fine day..what is it that you really want in life?

It occured to me too many times that I actually blocked it from my mind.I blurred.everytime it came ..it turned me into a blank wood.hard on the outside.but nuthing on the inside. Such a sad thing I must say. Looking at my friends who have always known what they wanted to do and actually know wut they're doing.. Me.. I dun know anything..wut I wanted to do nor wut I am doing now.I envied them. Really. They're good at the things they do.me..I'm below average if I have to rate myself.such a disappointment.. I know.

I just gave up talking to people abt this problem of mine. Usually ill end up feeling more frustrated than I did before. Even sadder than before. They say.. they just say..

When I was growing up..I wanted to be everything I heard my friends wanted to be..a doctor.an engineer.a stewardess.haha. Yup even a stewardess.but never a teacher.nor a musician.I wanted to have lots of money.drive a great car.wear great clothes.be somebody powerful. But everything was just angan-angan.because the truth is..the basic line is.. I don't know what I really wanted to be when I grow up. Now that I am a full grown woman.. I still don't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I just don't know.letting ppl decide for me turned out to be a bad idea.which brings me to these ramblings abt me not knowing what I wanted to do with my life.. Not blaming anybody for me turning out this way.. I'm just frustrated with myself.I let myself down.